If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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