11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
