I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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