The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
