He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
