just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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