This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
