I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize