Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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