i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
