he shaved USA in his pubs
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
