I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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