I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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