I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
