watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
