Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
