also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
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and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize