I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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