I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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