I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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