YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
