beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
