yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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