When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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