look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
