Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
