Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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