Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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