Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
