from now on my penis is your penis
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
