i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
