Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize