if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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