i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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