im gay
i know
yea but for you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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