Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
