I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
