this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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