The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize