just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
