how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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