there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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