we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
