his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
