You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
