I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
