Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
