so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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