My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize