i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So squirting runs in the family.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
