my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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