I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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