Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
