Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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