Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
