Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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