I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
