It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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