So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
