she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
