then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
