i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
