Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
