He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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