a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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