He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
