woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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