According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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