Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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